Greetings, Everyone! Over the next few weeks I’ll be posting pictures and descriptions of the players on my Orc Blood Bowl team, Da Vulchas. In my home league (not the new Goblin Beat league), we place a heavy emphasis on narrative and often write up game reports, post-game interview transcripts, exposés on the teams’ inner workings, etc. Taking the time to do this adds a lot of flavor to the games and gives us an opportunity to poke fun at our fellow coaches. This is something that I’ve done for a lot of the game systems that I play, and I find it really helps me get invested in the experience and makes the game more than just pushing toy soldiers around and rolling dice. So…on to the Showcase!
First, we have #1 Morkid Krookhacka, currently the starting thrower for Da Vulchas Blood Bowl team. He’s been with the young Orc team from the very beginning and over the past two seasons has put up 6 Completions, 5 Touchdowns, 1 Casualty, and 1 game MVP. He has racked up 28 SPP, and has gained the Accurate & Block skills. Rumor has it that Krookhacka feels he’s outgrown his rookie contract and has been pushing to increase his salary for next season. With the league’s tight salary cap and ban on sponsorships, Da Vulchas may have to part ways with the Veteran Thrower if they can’t come to some sort of agreement before the next season starts.
Next, we have #2 Binn “Squigfinger” Rockeye, currently on Da Vulchas practice squad. His inability to turn down a dare has gotten him into trouble more than once, the most recent example leading to his nickname “Squigfinger.” Fortunately, it was not his throwing arm, so it’s not necessarily a career-ending injury. (I dropped him while painting and broke off two of his fingers. Easier to slap some “Blood for the Blood God” on there than try to repair. Lazy Hobby Win!) If Da Vulchas aren’t able to reach an agreement with Krookhacka, “Squigfinger” may finally get his chance to crack the team roster and prove his talent on the pitch.
You’ll notice that the team has outfitted both of its throwers with custom Orcdidas cleats, made from the finest purebred Squig leather. The hide is specially treated to enhance its natural red pigmentation because everyone knows “da red wunz go fasta!”
I hope you enjoyed this brief showcase, and let us know if you want to see more of this kind of article.
Well the inevitable has happened. We at the Goblin Beat have decided to start our own Blood Bowl league. It will be fairly small with only six teams in the first season but hopefully that gives us all a chance to get some good games under our belts and start to learn this wacky game.
The tentative six teams are: wood elves, undead, necromantics, halflings, norse and orcs. We will all be building and painting teams over the next few weeks as we prepare to start the season either at the end of May or beginning of June. Look for update pictures of the teams here and on Instagram/Facebook and Twitter. We will also be looking for a way to post team rosters and standings as well as some possible post-game reports from Goblin Beat reporters assigned to the league.
We would love to hear your thoughts on the league and our teams as things firm up. We also are willing to take suggestions on names for the league (maybe GB3L for Goblin Beat Blood Bowl League?) so if you have any please let us know either in the comments here or on social media. May Nuffle have mercy on us!
We’re coming to you live from the Carrion Coliseum where Da Vulchas just secured the top spot in the South Division by defeating the visiting Nuln Lions with a score of 2-1. This game had been designated the Cabalvision Match-Up of the Week and 30,000 fans turned out to see these two teams battle it out for the top spot. The Lions had fought Da Vulchas to a stalemate when the Orcs visited Standford Stadium earlier in the season, which had left the two teams tied for 1st place. However, Da Vulchas were determined to leverage their homefield advantage during this rematch, and the fans did end up helping the Orcs secure victory and continue their push towards the post-season.
Da Vulchas won the coin toss and elected to receive the kickoff. Lions Kicker Yale Lary hung the ball high in the air, allowing the coverage team a chance to charge down the field before the Orcs could respond. The two teams clashed at the line of scrimmage and Star Black Orc Bumgag Facecutta was knocked out cold and would spend the remainder of the first half shaking off the effects of a concussion. The Lions Blitzers attempted to recover their own kick, but were unable to come down with the ball.
A little slow to react, Da Vulchas response was no less brutal as they recovered the ball and began their usual, methodical march down the field. The Orcs sent two Lions players, rookie Lineman Buke Milson and Blitzer Joe Schmidt, to the Apothecary’s tent although it appears that both escaped serious injury. Thrower Morkid Krookhacka scrambled to avoid defenders while the offensive line tried to open up a running lane. The Lions made the Orcs fight for every yard. At centerfield, Ogre Donk “Night Train” Lane hit Grumm the Troll hard enough to knock him out cold.
The Lions kept shifting the formation to plug each gap that opened until Kicker Yale Lary stumbled as he shed a block and fell awkwardly. With an audible crunch heard all the way in the announcer’s booth, it was clear that he had suffered a gruesome injury to his neck. The Lions medical staff were just able to save his life, but with an injury so severe, Lary may never be the same.
With so many players nursing wounds on the bench, it was inevitable that one team or the other would find an opening to strike. Krookhacka finally handed the ball off to Blitzer Jumm ‘Edwakka and he made a break for the endzone, putting Da Vulchas up, 1-0, and the home crowd went crazy!
After the kickoff, the Lions had just seconds left in the first half to try even the score. Lions Thrower Jake Rudock scooped up the ball and attempted to lob the ball to Barry Randers as he streaked down the field, but pressure from Da Vulchas caused him to fumble the pass as time expired.
The Lions received the ball at the start of the second half. Da Vulchas, over-confident due to outnumbering the beleaguered Lions, mistimed a strike into the backfield leaving their defense out of position. The Lions capitalized on the mistake as Star Blitzer Barry Randers took the hand-off around midfield and bolted towards the endzone. Da Vulchas attempted to catch the speedster, but a couple of well-timed blocks kept the Human Blitzer clear. Racing down the sideline, Barry racked up his third touchdown of the season, accompanied by the jeers and boos of Da Vulchas fanbase.
As Da Vulchas lined up to receive the kick-off, the fans made their displeasure known. With uncanny accuracy, a bench from section 328, all the way in the nosebleeds, sailed onto the pitch and caught “Night Train” in the side of his head. The big Ogre slammed face down in the mud, and his large, limp form had to be dragged from the field before play could continue. Da Vulchas Head Coach immediately dispatched a team scout to that section of the coliseum with instructions to sign to the practice squad whoever had hefted the bench that far.
Down several players and without their linchpin Ogre to hold the center, there was little the Lions could do to prevent Da Vulchas from driving back down the pitch. Jake Rudock, determined to prove who was the best Thrower on the field, laid out Morkid Krookhacka with a vicious block that drew a confused response of anger and respect from the crowd. Although the Lions continued to throw themselves in front of the Orcs in a last ditch effort to run out the clock, Jumm ‘Edwakka brawled his way into the endzone for his seventh career touchdown and sealed the win!
With two touchdowns on the day, ‘Edwakka was awarded the match MVP. Goblin Taktot also received recognition for filling in during the first half without screwing anything up or getting killed. The Lions, frustrated at the loss, apparently took out their frustration on the visiting team locker room, doing nearly 20,000 gold pieces worth of damage to the facility.
Head Coach Vomad the Vicious didn’t seem overly concerned. “Da Visitas Locka Room wuz too fancy for dem gitz inny-wayz. Dey kin change pantiez in da squig stalls fer now. Da gobboz kin fix it win dey git to it.”
With three games left in the regular season, Da Vulchas need to finish strong to maintain their lead in the division and secure the best seed for the playoffs. Next week, Da Vulchas will host another divisional rival in the Grudge Bearers. Check your Cabalvision listings for broadcast date and times.