Da Vulchas defeat Nuln Lions 2-1, Secure Division Lead

Greetings, Blood Bowl Fans!

We’re coming to you live from the Carrion Coliseum where Da Vulchas just secured the top spot in the South Division by defeating the visiting Nuln Lions with a score of 2-1. This game had been designated the Cabalvision Match-Up of the Week and 30,000 fans turned out to see these two teams battle it out for the top spot. The Lions had fought Da Vulchas to a stalemate when the Orcs visited Standford Stadium earlier in the season, which had left the two teams tied for 1st place. However, Da Vulchas were determined to leverage their homefield advantage during this rematch, and the fans did end up helping the Orcs secure victory and continue their push towards the post-season.

Da Vulchas won the coin toss and elected to receive the kickoff. Lions Kicker Yale Lary hung the ball high in the air, allowing the coverage team a chance to charge down the field before the Orcs could respond. The two teams clashed at the line of scrimmage and Star Black Orc Bumgag Facecutta was knocked out cold and would spend the remainder of the first half shaking off the effects of a concussion. The Lions Blitzers attempted to recover their own kick, but were unable to come down with the ball.

A little slow to react, Da Vulchas response was no less brutal as they recovered the ball and began their usual, methodical march down the field. The Orcs sent two Lions players, rookie Lineman Buke Milson and Blitzer Joe Schmidt, to the Apothecary’s tent although it appears that both escaped serious injury. Thrower Morkid Krookhacka scrambled to avoid defenders while the offensive line tried to open up a running lane. The Lions made the Orcs fight for every yard. At centerfield, Ogre Donk “Night Train” Lane hit Grumm the Troll hard enough to knock him out cold.

The Lions kept shifting the formation to plug each gap that opened until Kicker Yale Lary stumbled as he shed a block and fell awkwardly. With an audible crunch heard all the way in the announcer’s booth, it was clear that he had suffered a gruesome injury to his neck. The Lions medical staff were just able to save his life, but with an injury so severe, Lary may never be the same.

With so many players nursing wounds on the bench, it was inevitable that one team or the other would find an opening to strike. Krookhacka finally handed the ball off to Blitzer Jumm ‘Edwakka and he made a break for the endzone, putting Da Vulchas up, 1-0, and the home crowd went crazy!

After the kickoff, the Lions had just seconds left in the first half to try even the score. Lions Thrower Jake Rudock scooped up the ball and attempted to lob the ball to Barry Randers as he streaked down the field, but pressure from Da Vulchas caused him to fumble the pass as time expired.

Original art by obgnuoy, colors altered
Blitzers Purbag Bonekrumpa & Kubub Silentmaw pursue Lions Star, Barry Randers.

The Lions received the ball at the start of the second half. Da Vulchas, over-confident due to outnumbering the beleaguered Lions, mistimed a strike into the backfield leaving their defense out of position. The Lions capitalized on the mistake as Star Blitzer Barry Randers took the hand-off around midfield and bolted towards the endzone. Da Vulchas attempted to catch the speedster, but a couple of well-timed blocks kept the Human Blitzer clear. Racing down the sideline, Barry racked up his third touchdown of the season, accompanied by the jeers and boos of Da Vulchas fanbase.

As Da Vulchas lined up to receive the kick-off, the fans made their displeasure known. With uncanny accuracy, a bench from section 328, all the way in the nosebleeds, sailed onto the pitch and caught “Night Train” in the side of his head. The big Ogre slammed face down in the mud, and his large, limp form had to be dragged from the field before play could continue. Da Vulchas Head Coach immediately dispatched a team scout to that section of the coliseum with instructions to sign to the practice squad whoever had hefted the bench that far.

Down several players and without their linchpin Ogre to hold the center, there was little the Lions could do to prevent Da Vulchas from driving back down the pitch. Jake Rudock, determined to prove who was the best Thrower on the field, laid out Morkid Krookhacka with a vicious block that drew a confused response of anger and respect from the crowd. Although the Lions continued to throw themselves in front of the Orcs in a last ditch effort to run out the clock, Jumm ‘Edwakka brawled his way into the endzone for his seventh career touchdown and sealed the win!

With two touchdowns on the day, ‘Edwakka was awarded the match MVP. Goblin Taktot also received recognition for filling in during the first half without screwing anything up or getting killed. The Lions, frustrated at the loss, apparently took out their frustration on the visiting team locker room, doing nearly 20,000 gold pieces worth of damage to the facility.

Head Coach Vomad the Vicious didn’t seem overly concerned. “Da Visitas Locka Room wuz too fancy for dem gitz inny-wayz. Dey kin change pantiez in da squig stalls fer now. Da gobboz kin fix it win dey git to it.”

With three games left in the regular season, Da Vulchas need to finish strong to maintain their lead in the division and secure the best seed for the playoffs. Next week, Da Vulchas will host another divisional rival in the Grudge Bearers. Check your Cabalvision listings for broadcast date and times.

Product Review: Metallic Dice Games Dice Tray

MDG Dice Tray in Red Velvet

Greetings, Everyone!

As with any hobby, there are many items that are not necessary, but can significantly contribute to the enjoyment of the experience. I don’t have to wear a Chicago Bears jersey on game day, seeing as they still haven’t signed me to the squad (I’m cheap, Ryan Pace!), but it makes it more fun when I’m out in public and run into other fans. In the same way, there are many gaming accessories that aren’t required but can be very useful and make the games we play more enjoyable.

Many games rely on dice to produce the random results needed to play the game, and most players develop a “style” of rolling those dice quickly and conveniently. Some like to use dice towers, relishing every clack and clatter of the die as it falls through the tumblers within. Others like dice cups, swirling the dice within like a fine wine before authoritatively slamming the cup down to show the game who’s really in control. Then, there are the troglodytes that like to bowl the dice across the playing surface attempting to knock over all your meticulously painted miniatures. But the most civilized, well-mannered, and discerning gamers use a tray to gently cradle their favorite dice and ensure the fairest result. (No bias here!)

Today I will be reviewing Metallic Dice Games’ Collapsible Dice Trays. These retail for $16 normally, but I was able to snag a two-pack of them on Massdrop for $23. The trays are very portable because they unsnap and fold flat, making it very easy to throw into a bag for game night without taking up a lot of space. There is a leather (maybe?) backing on the outside, and a soft, velvet lining on the inside with some sort of stiff material in between. If you like to roll with fancier metallic dice (can damage a table because of their weight) or the semi-precious stone dice (can chip if treated roughly), I wouldn’t be without one of these bad boys. Measuring in at 10×10 inches, they are large enough to let the dice roll a little bit without taking up too much of the table real estate, which can be an issue with bigger games or smaller gaming spaces.

I picked up a blue one and a purple one (to match our Blood Bowl team colors), and liked them so much that I picked up another two-pack in red and black so we can have more around the table on Zombicide nights. Recently, I saw that they released a multi-colored one in a chevron pattern the last time they popped up on Massdrop, but it looks like the lining on that one might be a more standard cloth rather than the velvet. I’m sure that there are other dice trays that would be just as nice, but the price point for these in the two-pack was good and I was very impressed with the quality of these trays.


At our table, my teenager has a tendency to send dice careening around the room when he gets a little excited, so we spend a lot of time chasing dice. Of course, whenever it is a good roll it counts, but if it’s not what he was hoping to see we need to re-roll since it fell off the table (Seems legit….wait a minute!!!) So, I implemented a house rule that if it doesn’t end up in the tray it doesn’t count, no matter the result, and must be re-rolled. This has eliminated 95% of the dice on the floor (there’s still the odd one that bounces out or misses the tray), and has had the added benefit of eliminating “cocked” dice when playing games that involved uneven terrain features. If I’m using the trays away from home, I always let my opponent know how I use the tray and I’ve never had anyone complain. In fact, many roll their own dice in the trays as well!

So, readers…how do you roll at your table? Let us know in the comments if you use a tower, cup, tray, box lid, Vegas-style craps table, the hollowed-out skull of your enemy, etc. We’d love to know!

Kill Team: Drukhari Part 1

I’ve been trying to decide what to do for my next Warhammer 40K army for quite a while now and honestly I’ve been leaning towards Dark Eldar (or Drukhari as the kids call them these days) pretty much the entire time. I finally got my Ultramarines to a place where I feel comfortable starting a new project and decided to start with the Kill Team box.

I’ll post updates throughout the next couple of weeks as I try to take the box from sprue to table. Below you can see the built wyches. I decided to only use one special weapon, the shardnet and impaler, because I plan to have one of those in every unit of wyches I run in regular 40K games.

After they were assembled and the glue had dried I began work pinning them to some custom bases I bought from secret weapon miniatures. Since wyches come on slotted bases I clipped the majority of the slot off, leaving just the portions directly under their feet. I then drilled a hole into the custom base to match the remaining portion of the slot and used super glue to adhere the model to the base and green stuff to fill in any gaps.

The first three have been ‘pinned’ to their new bases

The next step was priming the models and the two pieces of terrain. I did this with my airbrush since it hasn’t stopped raining here in about 3 months so I can’t use rattle cans. I’ll be doing the next steps with the airbrush as well and posting the results along with paints used when they are complete.

All on their custom bases and primed.
The terrain from the Kill Team box primed.

In Which A Nerd Is Introduced…

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Greetings, Everyone.

I wanted to make a quick post to introduce myself, since I’m going to start contributing to the page. My name is Jon, and I’m a nerd. I made peace with this long ago, which helps when you have a teenager. Then, when he points out how uncool I am, I can just respond with “I know.” I’m betting that you are also a nerd, since you’re hanging out on a website like The Goblin Beat, so I’ll say… Well met, fellow nerd!

My introduction to gaming of any sort began shortly after the turn of the century, when I walked in on a co-worker painting a Moria Goblin from Games Workshop’s Lord of the Rings game. I was blown away by how tiny the miniature was and how well he painted it, but protested that I could never paint anything so small. He offered to let me try my hand at one, whether because he was trying to grow the hobby or just trick me into painting part of his horde I could not say. Either way, I found the experience oddly satisfying and here we are, years (and hundreds of dollars worth of miniatures) later.

I still actively play what is now called the Middle-earth Strategy Battle Game, as well as Blood Bowl (also by Games Workshop) and the X-wing Miniatures Game (by Fantasy Flight Games). I’m not much of a competitive gamer, so don’t expect much in the way of high-level tactics articles or tournament reports, but I will be writing about these game systems in the future. When it comes to table-top gaming, I’m much more drawn to campaigns and narrative-style games, which is probably why the transition into RPGs was so easy for me.

As for Role-Playing Games, I dabbled in some 2e Dungeons & Dragons, primarily set in Middle-earth rather than one of the established settings, but drifted away for several years. Then, the Goblin Beat crew invited me to join their Curse of Strahd campaign, which introduced me to 5e D&D and I fell back in love. Our weekly games were a blast, but they created an itch to DM my own games and I began running a second campaign on a different night of the week (which are not recorded…for now).

If you listen to the podcast sessions, you’ll hear my dulcet tones bringing Haleth (War Cleric of Lathander) and Einkil Ironfist (Charlatan Battlemaster) to life. In our Call of Cthulhu games, I play Dr. Lindsay Holt, who may be retired now that the rest of his crew is dead, but them’s the breaks when you face the Elder Gods and their minions.

Anyway, I look forward to interacting with you all over the coming weeks & months, and thanks for supporting the Goblin Beat.

May the dice rolls be ever in your favor!


Meet Moolu Budu: One Bad Goblin Dude

Moolu Budu was left under a Spider Moon which is really just the Goopa Goblin Tribe word for a new moon. According to Goopa tradition, it is on this day of the month that Naydyx, goddess of spiders, and most feared of Goopa dieties, swallows the moon and will only spit it back out if a Goblin child is left as an offering to her in the forest. Even with relatively short goblin gestation periods and their healthy appetite for reproductive practices, this whole ritual would soon result in the extinction of the Goopa if one goblin baby a month was actually lost. Typically the mother comes back within 24 hours, assumes Naydyx wasn’t hungry, gets her baby, and high-tails it out of there. As it turns out, when Moolu Budu’s mother returned to the clearing where they had left him the night before, he wasn’t there. Although not the most empathetic of life forms, goblins are quite emotional. As such, Moolu’s mother nearly slew his father in a tear-filled rage, when he expressed pride that their son had made a fitting meal for Naydyx.

Moolu had actually been discovered by a wizard’s apprentice who was gathering herbs for his master when he nearly stepped on the goblin babe. Being that it was the new moon, the woods were dark and Moolu was swaddled in a hide the goblin’s had stolen from a nearby human village. Naturally, the apprentice mistook the gurgles and coos for those of a human baby, and didn’t discover the truth until he had rushed into his master’s chambers shouting, “I found a baby in the woods!.” The master took one look at Moolu’s disgustingly twisted visage adorable, green face and bade Farlane dispose of the babe at once. Needless to say, Farlane could not bring himself to do it and raised Moolu secretly in the wilderness, with the help of an elderly monk friend who lived alone in the forest. Farlane and the Monk taught Moolu to read and his interests were steered towards survival and wilderness skills. He learned the skills of the ranger and had plenty of practice moving silently as he avoided human and goblin patrols alike. Recently, Moolu was captured by a party of goblins “recruiting” for the war effort against the hordes of Toxisa, a green dragon. Normally very careful in the forest, Moolu’s curiosity about his origins finally got the better of him as he approached the goblin war party in an effort to establish a connection with his own kind.

Moolu’s strengths include stealth and wilderness knowledge. He has a basic understanding of magic as was related by the apprentice who found him, but cannot cast magic himself. He also is extremely adept at dual wielding his trusty rapier and short sword, gifts from his teacher, the mysterious elderly monk who shared his humble home with Moolu for 16 years until the day he was captured.

#071 Depths of Insanity Season 2, Episode 1: Out of the Depths

Depths of Insanity Season 2 is finally here! Join Kriv, Aramil, Lucius, Varys and Axar as they help the dwarves of U fight for their survival! Will they triumph? There are major battles fought and sweet loot to be had. Check it out!

Please consider giving us a 5-star review on iTunes as well as subscribing to our podcast as those two things help our ratings more than anything else. Thanks for listening and as always please send gaming questions and comments to podcast@goblinbeat.com and we will possibly answer them on the air!


Stark Dawson: Zombie Slayer

My wife and I both love watching AMC’s The Walking Dead, and apparently we’re not alone since last Sunday it led the nation in ratings with over 11 million viewers.  The show led me to search for a zombie apocalypse themed pen and paper RPG and what I found was Outbreak: Undead which has been available since 2010.  If you want a detailed review of the handbook and game mechanics check out the article from Gnomestew.  This popular TV show and somewhat less popular RPG along with some carefully placed whip blows from our almighty Goblinbeat overseer  inspired the background for Stark Dawson, zombie slayer extraordinaire.  Aside from Outbreak: Undead, Stark could be easily integrated into a zombie themed Dungeons and Dragons or Savage Worlds System.

Stark had a truly deranged childhood as he was born in the midst of a zombie outbreak that took over an entire island continent that was evacuated and quarantined.  Certain factions have succeeded in controlling the advance of these zombies to other regions of the world, but there has been no success in ending zombie domination of the island.  He had the distinct privilege to be born into a tiny community of humans that were not allowed to evacuate, but somehow survived years of zombie onslaught.  Stark never got the chance to know his father who died getting Stark’s mom to safety as she was in labor with him.  So, it was with the help of a protective older brother and an emotionally broken mother, that Dawson learned to survive under the most hellacious circumstances.  Their small band didn’t dare attempt to leave the island since any vessels seen leaving the island after evacuation were destroyed on sight for fear of spreading the infection.  When he was 15, his group decided to attempt escape in the hopes that the island was no longer being watched.  However, once the tide had taken his party out into the sea, an explosion rocked the makeshift vessel.  Stark saw his mother’s flesh peel from her bones as the heat from the blast struck her.  He jumped overboard and after struggling to stay afloat on a piece of wreckage for three storm-racked days was picked up by a wary but kindhearted fishing boat captain 200 miles away.  Now that he is off the island he wants to find out who is responsible for the zombie infection as well as his mother’s death.  He wonders if his brother survived but seriously doubts it.  Anger and thoughts of vengeance fill his ever-waking moment.

Since he’s always had to get by without access to manufactured goods, Stark can be extremely resourceful, from making his own ammunition and repairing weaponry to hunting/snaring game and foraging.  He also is adept at melee combat against multiple opponents, not taking normal minuses for being flanked, and he has an amazing knack for obtaining advantageous positioning across a variety of terrain. Mr. Dawson can be extremely cold and deadly, rarely hesitating to dispose of a threat; however this makes it difficult for him to connect with others outside of a combat situation.  He has been a loner for many months and trusting others is very difficult for him.

Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United Looks Kind of Crappy

It is an undeniable truth that Marvel has made excellent movies in the last decade, starting with the first Iron Man movie and following straight through to this past summer’s blockbuster, The Avengers. What some folks might not realize is that Marvel has also released some pretty entertaining straight-to-DVD (or in my case, straight-to-NetFlix) feature-length, animated movies. Some of the best that I have seen include Hulk Versus, Planet Hulk and both Ultimate Avengers features (You can go HERE for a pretty comprehensive list of what Marvel has available on NetFlix Streaming).

Marvel is now releasing Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United, and, quite frankly, it looks like doo-doo. I don’t say that lightly because I really have liked most of what Marvel has done recently, and I always pull for them whenever they release something new.
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